Negative Self Talk
Eradicating negative talk and how therapy can shape your thoughts
Have you ever wanted to change the way you think? Yeah... thought so.
Has someone ever told you to ‘think positively’ or ‘think differently’ and you’ve really struggled? Of course, they have. Easier said than done right?
Most people have had this experience at some point in their lives. After all we all have particular ways of seeing things because we all have different personalities and histories that can make us see the world in different ways.
It is possible to shape and change the way our minds work over some time in the future. But how can we make our brain learn new ways of thinking or feeling in certain situations as well as making it learn new facts, figures and other day to day things?
Negative self-talk is a stressful and often involuntary form of self-criticism. These are thoughts can contribute to depression, anxiety, or obsessive-compulsive disorder.
What Is Negative Self-Talk?
Everyone has negative thoughts from time to time, especially about themselves. For example, you might think, “I’m so bad at cooking.” When they are individual thoughts, they aren’t necessarily worrying because they can push you to practice and improve. However, when these kinds of ideas reoccur and become a persistent focus, you may end up increasing stress levels and lowering your self-esteem. If you find yourself focusing on what’s wrong with everything around you, negative self-talk may be part of the problem.
As you get used to the negative voice in your head running through comment after comment without stopping, it can be hard not to listen to it or agree with it when it starts telling you things like:
“You blew that presentation.”
“Don’t bother studying for the test.”
“Everybody hates you.”
These comments sound normal because they come up again and again, to the point where you feel pessimistic all the time.
How Negative Self-Talk Starts
When does negative talk start? Many people find that it often begins in childhood, but you might not notice it until much later in life when negative thoughts become unavoidable and intrusive. Some of the reasons why these thoughts happen include:
Hearing frequent dismissive comments from parents, friends, or siblings
Comparing yourself to others who seem more confident
Unrealistic portrayals of life experiences from social media
Mental health issues like anxiety or depression
How to Stop Negative Self-Talk
Stopping or redirecting a defeatist internal attitude is possible. Some steps you can take for yourself:
Taking negative talk seriously. If left unchecked, it can develop into a disruptive force in your life.
Pausing to reflect for a moment. It’s hard to take control of negative thoughts when you’re feeling unhappy, but mindful thinking will help you get the upper hand. Analyze these negative thoughts and consider alternatives.
Putting a positive spin on adverse events. Instead of apologizing for being late or knocking over a pile of books, consider thanking someone for their patience or explaining that you’re working on improving your coordination.
Rewiring your thinking process. Retraining your brain sounds difficult, but cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is a helpful tool used for those who feel stuck in a pattern of negative self-talk. Seek help from a therapist for more help with this.
Using these tools could be enough to set you on a path towards better self-communication and more positive internal thinking.
These are key points to remember:
You control your emotions.
Your emotions come from your thinking.
Your beliefs are in the form of demands: musts, should haves, gotta's, and have to's.
Change your emotions by changing your thinking. Do this again and again and again.
When you feel stressed, guilty, depressed, resentful, or act in self-defeating ways with procrastination and addictions, your demands (musts, should haves, supposed to's, have to's, and got to's) are the primary cause of your problem.
